This just in: February still stinks

febAll Chino Hills precincts have reported making it official: February has once again finished 12th on Rankman’s annual ranking of months.

Order of merit:

  1. April (Masters\Rankman’s birthday\Hitler offed self)
  2. June (also Alice Cooper’s favorite month because, you know, school’s out)
  3. July (trashy novels at beach while sipping umbrella drinks under an  umbrella)
  4. May (merry month and, unlike February, easy to say and spell)
  5. March (NCAA Tournament, favorite month for dimes)
  6. November (college football rivalries trump Kennedy assassination)
  7. January (naive hope of better times to come)
  8. December (Boxing Day, college bowl picks, Charlie Brown Christmas Special)
  9. August (too many nightmares involving Pop Warner practice, Hiroshima and Manson Family)
  10. October (um, Columbus didn’t discover America)
  11. September (back to school…February’s bastard child)
  12. February (shortest\longest month)

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Mora and Neuheisel open a soft-serve creamery in Westwood

Rick_Neuheisel_at_UCLA_2011_spring_gameJim Mora

No, wait, forget that headline. Jim Mora vs. Rick Neuheisel would actually make a better toilet paper commercial, you know, which is softer?

Mora could pour a pitcher of pomegranate juice on his sturdy two-ply to the gasps of a semi-live studio audience in Studio City.

The juice would repel like water off an Oregon Duck’s back and Mora would say, “See? This is tough stuff.”
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Newton needs to learn about the law of losing

peyton

Cam Newton’s post-game behavior was boorish and petulant. It was not “super.” Those who have disliked him since college instantly re-congratulated themselves for being right.

THIS was the spoiled-brat Cam whose father reportedly shopped him to the highest bidder when he was forced to Blinn Community College after getting drop-kicked out of Florida for allegedly stealing a computer.

Ah-ha! We KNEW this guy was a phony at Auburn who played dodge ball with the NCAA all the way to the 2010 BCS title!

But enough about what Alabama and Oregon think.
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Haden announces retirement to ungrateful Trojan faithful

250px-PatHaden-2010-0918-USCMN

My Twitter feed since 2010 says Pat Haden was a lousy athletic director who fumbled more times at USC than he did as quarterback of the Los Angeles Rams.

Haden was the AD who failed to overturn the outrageous NCAA sanctions he inherited from the equally outrageous Mike Garrett.  Haden pussy-footed his way around the NCAA when a real Trojan would have busted down the door and demanded a “mea culpa” from president Mark Emmert.
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Auto reply: Out of Office until Signing Day is Over

toxic

Sorry to report Rankman can’t weigh in on college football National Signing Day because he long ago committed to a list of previously-scheduled appointments for Feb. 3.

1. Meet old friend from high school who really, really loved Peter Frampton and wants to pick-up on a conversation I walked away from in 1976.
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