Semifinals on New Year’s Eve? Let’s get this party pooper started

new years eve pic

A note to those of you complaining that moving the college football national semifinals to New Year’s Eve has rudely intruded on your social butterfly calendars:

Just whom are you trying to kid? I have seen the police composite sketch on most of you and it does not resemble anything I read in “The Great Gatsby.”
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This Old Timer Is Starting to Sound Like A Broken Record

A_young_Jerry_WestDisingenuous congratulations to the Carolina Panthers and Golden State Warriors for their fabulous so-far seasons.

No, seriously, some of us wished you nothing but the worst.

The guy who said records were meant to be broken would have been in a headlock sitting next to me Dec. 11 as I put historical rancor aside to root for Boston to chuck the Warriors off the Golden State bridge.

It took a lot for a born-and-bred Lakers fan to root for the Soylent Green, but sometimes in life you have no choice.

(Spoiler alert: never count on Boston for anything except decent fish soup)
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Too Many College Football Bowl Games…or is 40 the New 30?

Bowl Picks Image

A focus group hired to review Rankman’s annual worst-to-best bowl picks concluded that this year’s guesses may be even better than last year’s guesses. Anyone using this list for wagering purposes has a serious problem and is probably never going get elected to the baseball Hall of Fame. The usual disclaimers apply: never use these rankings while operating heavy machinery. Children under 12 should be accompanied by an adult under 85. The use of these rankings and its contents, without the expressed, written consent of the author is strictly forbidden unless you really want to use them.
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McCaffrey Finishes Second in 2015 (2016 and 2017?) Heisman Balloting

stanford-running-back-christian-mccaffreyI tried all week feigning outrage over Stanford tailback Christian McCaffrey’s inevitable Heisman Trophy snub on Saturday night.
…How Dare They!
My preparatory work involved watching talking-head cable shows in which celebrity squawkers take positions they don’t believe—but act like they do.

Radio also provides many middle-aged men pontificating in deep, authoritative voices sharpened by years of preening in front of bathroom mirrors.
You can earn vacation-home money taking stands for, or against, things you had not even considered the day before.
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