A note to those of you complaining that moving the college football national semifinals to New Year’s Eve has rudely intruded on your social butterfly calendars:
Just whom are you trying to kid? I have seen the police composite sketch on most of you and it does not resemble anything I read in “The Great Gatsby.”
The notion college football is taking people who wear hog masks away from their top hat and tails is amusing. So sorry the Orange and Cotton bowls are ruining your night out at The Ritz. How on Earth will you tell Miss Universe that you’re busy on Thursday night?
College football’s new format is actually doing a lot of you shut ins a favor. You now have two great games to watch, alone, along with a six-pack of Coors Light.
Fess up: the only “Ritz” you’ve known on Dec. 31 is a cracker smeared with Velveeta Cheese.
I know who you are because I am you. I can’t tell you how many years I pretended to have big New Year’s Eve plans only to stay home for date night with the twins: two hot-lamp hot dogs from 7-Eleven.
What I would not have given then for a national college football semifinal on New Year’s Eve. So don’t try suggesting to me the pairing of Michigan State vs. Alabama and Clemson vs. Oklahoma is going to cost you first place in a Fred Astaire dance-off contest.
Maybe you’re really more like me and have always considered New Year’s Eve the worst reason to leave the comfort of your couch. It’s America’s unofficial celebration of Amateur Hour, slobbering and soaked with rookie drinkers, hats filled with vomit and extremely awkward social interactions as the clock approached midnight.
College Football has now given me a legitimate reason to stay home and do what I was going to do anyway: nothing.
With any luck, the Dec. 31 semis will keep a few more idiots off the road, maybe even save some lives.
I’ll admit the format change is different. At first glance it seems backward that, two out of every three years, the national semifinals are being held BEFORE the Jan.1 Rose and Sugar bowls. That seems almost sacrilegious and turns those hallowed, time-slotted games into football variations of day-old bread.
We were hoodwinked last year because the College Football Playoff kicked off with the Rose and Sugar bowls hosting the first two semifinal games.
Those games, Oregon vs Florida State, and Alabama vs. Ohio State, ended up being the two highest ranked shows in the history of cable television.
I’m sure a lot of people, not reading the fine contract print, thought it was always going to be that way.
Shoot, even ESPN tried to get the format altered after it considered the ramifications of the 12-year deal. College Football Playoff officials politely rejected the network’s request to move the semifinals off New Year’s Eve. So, this is the deal…now let’s deal with it.
The Orange and Cotton bowls will serve as semifinal hosts this year and pass that responsibility next year to the Peach and Fiesta. The semifinals return to the Rose and Sugar bowls in two years.
Forget about New Year’s Sex (again) and get tuned in and turned on to the New Year’s Six.
Remember, in the end, holding two important college games on Dec. 31 is not the end of the world.
It’s just the end of the year.